These shows are so much less fun to watch on the west coast. With that statement out of the way, let's see how much of an old person I am; are the VMAs still relevant to me? Let's find out.
That is some intense shoulder choreography! I am so confused by the butt flaps on the back of Rihanna's outfit. What are those random things hanging off of her? Also, what is the stage design here? What are those big, white puffy things? I love the dancers in all white and they are making some really cool shapes around her. Is she supposed to be singing live or are we suspending disbelief? Because sometimes she holds the microphone up and looks like she's singing and other times she ... doesn't.
Man, Rihanna has a lot of hits! Her story is a cool one - the way she got discovered, etc. Or, at least the version in the book 'The Song Machine' is a really interesting "making of a star" story. No 'Umbrella'? Solid opening!
Oh, she's performing three more times. I anticipate 'Umbrella' will come later.
These twitter people are terrible. Oh wait, is this Key & Peele doing some awful bit? This is really, truly, completely awful. Is this what the children find funny? This is going on forever.
In determining how out of touch I am, I'm giving myself +1 relevance point for knowing all of Rihanna's works. Minus one for HATING all of these commentators (if indeed the kids are into them).
DIDDY!!!! In honor of his presence, I'd like to give you my favorite Diddy quote from Making the Band, "Now white girls can dance and have asses?" I am intrigued by his open front, sheer cardigan thing. I know 3/4 of these nominees. CANADA represent! "Drake is stuck in traffic?" That's amazing.
The camera really wants reaction shots from Nick Jonas. He's not giving them much.
I feel like the backstage reporter is just yelling tumblr catchphrases. Cute dress though.
Oh Hailee, I am not sure how I feel about your dress. I'm always wary of garments with arrow like imagery in the crotchal region. I loved her so much in True Grit.
Why is Chance the Rapper dressed like a missing Mario brother?
I'm a little confused by spin class; those are some badass giant legs framing the stage though. I also question doing spin class in those heels. This also reminds me of an under appreciated MTV show hosted by Haylie Duff, where they cast the replacement Elle Woods for Legally Blonde, the Musical. One of the challenges was to sing the show while on bikes to increase cardio strength. These guys seem right out of Olivia Newton-John's 'Physical' video. Nikki's hair looks amazing. That was solid.
I think I'm going to be a lot happier if I fast forward through all these awful commentator segments.
Isn't she a coach, not a co-host? Maybe I misheard that. Man, remember when Alicia Keys first came out with 'Fallin'' and we'd never heard anything else like it ever? I still think that song stands as one of the most interesting, unique commercial radio hits. Man, she is having a moment here. Damn, what a voice. What is Nick Cannon wearing? I know all those songs! I like that Rihanna, essentially, just won the 'Best Male Video'.
Phelps! I read an article about how his ankles rotate 15-20 degrees more than a normal person's ankles, meaning that his giant feet actually function like flippers because he gets more leverage than a normal person. "I've got the golds but he's got the platinum." That was adorable.
I don't know this guy; this song has a pretty hypnotic feeling though I could do without the mock sirens. I dig his super shiny sneakers.
Oh Kanye. Kim K. looks gorgeous. I don't follow anything Kardashian but I've read a bunch of pieces about how great their marriage is. I have no idea if it's true but some of the paparazzi shots of him helping her across puddles, etc. are adorable. Though, I wonder if he makes Kim role-play Beyonce in the bedroom. I am really confused by this rambling monologue but appreciate he name checked Anna Wintour and Ray-J. Disney, Jobs, West?
Man, the 80s aerobic aesthetic is getting a lot of mileage tonight. This lady had to have had a large number of wardrobe malfunctions filming this, right? Whoa, Now she's a cat? I am very unclear about what I just saw. I dig the track. Really confused about the video.
Naomi Campbell is 46? She's so gorgeous.
This seems much more like she's actually singing. I love all these dancers. I love that it looked like she was in the crowd but they just made a crowd set and filled it with dancers. That was not as strong as the first medley, but still very good, obviously.
Why is the cancer guy from 'Fault in Our Stars' dressed like the guy from My Chemical Romance?
Why are they making Nick Jonas sing in a diner? And why is he wearing a leather tracksuit? Oh look, another Jonas! He makes some weird faces when he sings. Not a dealbreaker, obviously but still. Oh man, that one background guy is living his very best life, singing along and jumping on a table to dance. I hope he won a contest to be there or something. I like this song; I feel like most of what solo Nick Jonas has done has been enjoyable. And he looks so happy! Good on you, Nick Jonas.
Serena! What happened to Venus? I feel like for years, it was always where the two of them were in the standings but over the last several years it's just been Serena. That is quite the dress, and she seems so excited to be doing this introduction.
Oh man, Beyonce looks terrifying. Like, are we sure we haven't ceded control of the planet to her based on that look on her face? And now she's bathed in flames? #actualtargaryan? Whoa. That is some violent imagery. I feel like being on Beyonce's bad side would be the scariest thing ever. That is a haunting shot - the baseball bat as she walks away. I kind of love that she's had enough commercial success that now she's doing this really high concept stuff because she wants to, because she can. Aww, Bey, you're all sweaty from slaying, you don't need the Cruella coat. And now she literally burns the place down. Makes sense. Holy shit. I mean, 100 years from now, people are going to reference Beyonce in the same way that we reference Athena or Hera from Greek mythology. When someone asks what was worshiped at the turn of the millennium in America, it's going to be Beyonce, right? She's such a presence in our cultural landscape and such an icon and as much as I love commercial Beyonce, I adore that she is out of fucks to give.
I knew all those songs! Man, this is a lady-centric night so far! Ha! Oh, that one stepped on that other one's dress. Good recovery.
I read a Fortune story on Kim K. about how she made $46 million from her app in its first two years. Which, damn, girl.
BRIT BRIT!!! This shadow screen is really cool; I like the hands effect. I'm not sure chartreuse is anyone's best color. I feel like this is return to form Britney. She's lucid, interested in performing, dancing is on point. Nothing has thrilled me more than her comeback. It's Britney, bitch! indeed.
Yay Olympic gymnasts! Holy crap, is that a drone? Well, Laurie Hernandez is the clear stand-out to go be a spokesperson someday. In addition to all of her other talents and super powers, does Beyonce also have freakishly strong earlobes? Those earrings are huge.
I love the show black-ish. This intro is amazing, if a bit manic. "You reach into your wallet..." Ha! Does Rihanna have a mullet now? And, what is that thing stuck to her leg? Oh, that's the top of her boot folded over. Are these leotard/ tall boot outfits in homage to Beyonce? The first Rihanna performance was my favorite.
Oh, here's where my age shows. I only know two of the best new artist nominees. But, one of the ones I know is a winner, so maybe that makes it better? Though, I had no idea Joe Jonas was in this group. Oops.
Aw, Troye Sivan. I listed to him SO MUCH in Australia.
I LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCH. The lilting back-melody, the sing-song chorus, and a rousing declaration that "we ain't ever getting older"; this is one of my favorite radio songs of this year. This guy seems super pumped to be here! Underboob is having a moment tonight too, apparently. I feel like these guys have to just be so excited to have been included in this. And, yay, confetti!
I refuse to listen to your freestyle about the bathroom, dude.
Fallon doing Lochte doing Bieber. Okay. This is not as funny as Fallon thinks it is. Can you imagine being Beyonce's daughter? I feel like there's a joke to be made about changing the name to the BMAs or something. I can't quite get there.
Mary J! That is a serious jumpsuit.
Oh good, the mullet is gone. Whew, this is really gorgeous. I love that this song has so much tension; you want it to go faster and the piano pulsing makes you think it's going to but it doesn't. This horn section is no joke. Also, that conductor is having a really great time. Apparently Drake got out of traffic. She looks like she's waiting to be asked to prom or something. He seems so thrilled just to be on the same stage as her. This is pretty adorable.
(It seems tacky to mention but I hope somewhere, Chris Brown is sitting in a basement feeling like absolute shit about himself.)
Okay, so, my assessment of the VMAs as it relates to me... I'm still pretty up on the music MTV is actively promoting; I knew all the performers, most of the nominees. I mean, one would question if kids today care about Britney; it kind of felt like she was the "nostalgia" act (which, let's not unpack that). I have, apparently, aged out of the comedy that MTV promotes though. Yikes.
One other thing I'd note is that for the current political climate, it was great that this show was so diverse. The biggest, most celebrated artists were both black females. So many of the presenters and nominees were not white guys. I'm not sure if it was intentional, but with everything that's going on in the current national rhetoric and the election, etc. it was nice to see so much diversity represented so positively.
It's arguable how relevant the VMAs are in 2016, but watching them totally didn't make me feel old.
That is some intense shoulder choreography! I am so confused by the butt flaps on the back of Rihanna's outfit. What are those random things hanging off of her? Also, what is the stage design here? What are those big, white puffy things? I love the dancers in all white and they are making some really cool shapes around her. Is she supposed to be singing live or are we suspending disbelief? Because sometimes she holds the microphone up and looks like she's singing and other times she ... doesn't.
Man, Rihanna has a lot of hits! Her story is a cool one - the way she got discovered, etc. Or, at least the version in the book 'The Song Machine' is a really interesting "making of a star" story. No 'Umbrella'? Solid opening!
Oh, she's performing three more times. I anticipate 'Umbrella' will come later.
These twitter people are terrible. Oh wait, is this Key & Peele doing some awful bit? This is really, truly, completely awful. Is this what the children find funny? This is going on forever.
In determining how out of touch I am, I'm giving myself +1 relevance point for knowing all of Rihanna's works. Minus one for HATING all of these commentators (if indeed the kids are into them).
DIDDY!!!! In honor of his presence, I'd like to give you my favorite Diddy quote from Making the Band, "Now white girls can dance and have asses?" I am intrigued by his open front, sheer cardigan thing. I know 3/4 of these nominees. CANADA represent! "Drake is stuck in traffic?" That's amazing.
The camera really wants reaction shots from Nick Jonas. He's not giving them much.
I feel like the backstage reporter is just yelling tumblr catchphrases. Cute dress though.
Oh Hailee, I am not sure how I feel about your dress. I'm always wary of garments with arrow like imagery in the crotchal region. I loved her so much in True Grit.
Why is Chance the Rapper dressed like a missing Mario brother?
I'm a little confused by spin class; those are some badass giant legs framing the stage though. I also question doing spin class in those heels. This also reminds me of an under appreciated MTV show hosted by Haylie Duff, where they cast the replacement Elle Woods for Legally Blonde, the Musical. One of the challenges was to sing the show while on bikes to increase cardio strength. These guys seem right out of Olivia Newton-John's 'Physical' video. Nikki's hair looks amazing. That was solid.
I think I'm going to be a lot happier if I fast forward through all these awful commentator segments.
Isn't she a coach, not a co-host? Maybe I misheard that. Man, remember when Alicia Keys first came out with 'Fallin'' and we'd never heard anything else like it ever? I still think that song stands as one of the most interesting, unique commercial radio hits. Man, she is having a moment here. Damn, what a voice. What is Nick Cannon wearing? I know all those songs! I like that Rihanna, essentially, just won the 'Best Male Video'.
Phelps! I read an article about how his ankles rotate 15-20 degrees more than a normal person's ankles, meaning that his giant feet actually function like flippers because he gets more leverage than a normal person. "I've got the golds but he's got the platinum." That was adorable.
I don't know this guy; this song has a pretty hypnotic feeling though I could do without the mock sirens. I dig his super shiny sneakers.
Oh Kanye. Kim K. looks gorgeous. I don't follow anything Kardashian but I've read a bunch of pieces about how great their marriage is. I have no idea if it's true but some of the paparazzi shots of him helping her across puddles, etc. are adorable. Though, I wonder if he makes Kim role-play Beyonce in the bedroom. I am really confused by this rambling monologue but appreciate he name checked Anna Wintour and Ray-J. Disney, Jobs, West?
Man, the 80s aerobic aesthetic is getting a lot of mileage tonight. This lady had to have had a large number of wardrobe malfunctions filming this, right? Whoa, Now she's a cat? I am very unclear about what I just saw. I dig the track. Really confused about the video.
Naomi Campbell is 46? She's so gorgeous.
This seems much more like she's actually singing. I love all these dancers. I love that it looked like she was in the crowd but they just made a crowd set and filled it with dancers. That was not as strong as the first medley, but still very good, obviously.
Why is the cancer guy from 'Fault in Our Stars' dressed like the guy from My Chemical Romance?
Why are they making Nick Jonas sing in a diner? And why is he wearing a leather tracksuit? Oh look, another Jonas! He makes some weird faces when he sings. Not a dealbreaker, obviously but still. Oh man, that one background guy is living his very best life, singing along and jumping on a table to dance. I hope he won a contest to be there or something. I like this song; I feel like most of what solo Nick Jonas has done has been enjoyable. And he looks so happy! Good on you, Nick Jonas.
Serena! What happened to Venus? I feel like for years, it was always where the two of them were in the standings but over the last several years it's just been Serena. That is quite the dress, and she seems so excited to be doing this introduction.
Oh man, Beyonce looks terrifying. Like, are we sure we haven't ceded control of the planet to her based on that look on her face? And now she's bathed in flames? #actualtargaryan? Whoa. That is some violent imagery. I feel like being on Beyonce's bad side would be the scariest thing ever. That is a haunting shot - the baseball bat as she walks away. I kind of love that she's had enough commercial success that now she's doing this really high concept stuff because she wants to, because she can. Aww, Bey, you're all sweaty from slaying, you don't need the Cruella coat. And now she literally burns the place down. Makes sense. Holy shit. I mean, 100 years from now, people are going to reference Beyonce in the same way that we reference Athena or Hera from Greek mythology. When someone asks what was worshiped at the turn of the millennium in America, it's going to be Beyonce, right? She's such a presence in our cultural landscape and such an icon and as much as I love commercial Beyonce, I adore that she is out of fucks to give.
I knew all those songs! Man, this is a lady-centric night so far! Ha! Oh, that one stepped on that other one's dress. Good recovery.
I read a Fortune story on Kim K. about how she made $46 million from her app in its first two years. Which, damn, girl.
BRIT BRIT!!! This shadow screen is really cool; I like the hands effect. I'm not sure chartreuse is anyone's best color. I feel like this is return to form Britney. She's lucid, interested in performing, dancing is on point. Nothing has thrilled me more than her comeback. It's Britney, bitch! indeed.
Yay Olympic gymnasts! Holy crap, is that a drone? Well, Laurie Hernandez is the clear stand-out to go be a spokesperson someday. In addition to all of her other talents and super powers, does Beyonce also have freakishly strong earlobes? Those earrings are huge.
I love the show black-ish. This intro is amazing, if a bit manic. "You reach into your wallet..." Ha! Does Rihanna have a mullet now? And, what is that thing stuck to her leg? Oh, that's the top of her boot folded over. Are these leotard/ tall boot outfits in homage to Beyonce? The first Rihanna performance was my favorite.
Oh, here's where my age shows. I only know two of the best new artist nominees. But, one of the ones I know is a winner, so maybe that makes it better? Though, I had no idea Joe Jonas was in this group. Oops.
Aw, Troye Sivan. I listed to him SO MUCH in Australia.
I LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCH. The lilting back-melody, the sing-song chorus, and a rousing declaration that "we ain't ever getting older"; this is one of my favorite radio songs of this year. This guy seems super pumped to be here! Underboob is having a moment tonight too, apparently. I feel like these guys have to just be so excited to have been included in this. And, yay, confetti!
I refuse to listen to your freestyle about the bathroom, dude.
Fallon doing Lochte doing Bieber. Okay. This is not as funny as Fallon thinks it is. Can you imagine being Beyonce's daughter? I feel like there's a joke to be made about changing the name to the BMAs or something. I can't quite get there.
Mary J! That is a serious jumpsuit.
Oh good, the mullet is gone. Whew, this is really gorgeous. I love that this song has so much tension; you want it to go faster and the piano pulsing makes you think it's going to but it doesn't. This horn section is no joke. Also, that conductor is having a really great time. Apparently Drake got out of traffic. She looks like she's waiting to be asked to prom or something. He seems so thrilled just to be on the same stage as her. This is pretty adorable.
(It seems tacky to mention but I hope somewhere, Chris Brown is sitting in a basement feeling like absolute shit about himself.)
Okay, so, my assessment of the VMAs as it relates to me... I'm still pretty up on the music MTV is actively promoting; I knew all the performers, most of the nominees. I mean, one would question if kids today care about Britney; it kind of felt like she was the "nostalgia" act (which, let's not unpack that). I have, apparently, aged out of the comedy that MTV promotes though. Yikes.
One other thing I'd note is that for the current political climate, it was great that this show was so diverse. The biggest, most celebrated artists were both black females. So many of the presenters and nominees were not white guys. I'm not sure if it was intentional, but with everything that's going on in the current national rhetoric and the election, etc. it was nice to see so much diversity represented so positively.
It's arguable how relevant the VMAs are in 2016, but watching them totally didn't make me feel old.
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